Pati Menda Oliszewski | Jewish News

Partners in Jewish Life: A meaningful encounter through learning and connection

Pati Menda Oliszewski — Thu, 15 Jan 2026 16:22:34 +0000

Next session: Thursday, Feb. 12, 7 pm, Sandler Family Campus

When I first heard about the Partners in Jewish Life program, I struggled to fully grasp what it was all about. From what I understood, it seemed connected to the idea of chevruta, a form of paired learning that I have always deeply appreciated and practiced during my leadership training at the Rutemberg Institute in Haifa. Still, the concept felt a bit abstract.

On Wednesday, Dec. 17, however, that understanding came to life in the most beautiful way. While my children enjoyed engaging and playful activities led by Camp JCC, I participated in the second edition of Partners in Jewish Life. What a joyful surprise it was. Participants were intentionally paired with people they might not normally interact with, creating space for genuine dialogue and discovery. Together, we explored a booklet inspired by the teachings of Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, focusing on the concept of Tikkun Olam and our shared responsibility to repair the world.

The richness of the discussions was inspiring. Listening, questioning, agreeing, disagreeing, and reflecting alongside members of our community from different institutions, backgrounds, and perspectives reminded me of the power of Jewish learning when it is done collectively. Partners in Jewish Life is more than a study series, it is an invitation to build bridges, strengthen relationships, and engage deeply with Jewish values in a respectful and meaningful way.

As we look ahead to the next edition, studying Jewish Identity on February 12, I encourage everyone in our community to participate, with this challenge: bring a friend. Be open, be curious, and be prepared to engage in thoughtful conversation with people who may think differently than you. That is where growth happens. That is where community is built.

I look forward to learning together again.

Partners in Jewish Life is presented by the Konikoff Center for Learning of the United Jewish Federation of Tidewater, in partnership with the Rabbi Sacks Legacy.

For more information about Partners in Jewish Life or to register, visit JewishVA.org/KCL or contact Sierra Lautman, senior director of Jewish Innovation at United Jewish Federation of Tidewater, at SLautman@UJFT.org.

Aaron Shames, Kyleigh Eyl, Solomon Eskinazi, and Yoel Lev.

Community members paired with unlikely partners to learn from one another.

Great Jewish Bookshelf: Reading to belong

Pati Menda Oliszewski — Thu, 15 Jan 2026 16:01:58 +0000

There is something deeply familiar—and deeply Jewish—about gathering around books. The Great Jewish Bookshelf taps into that instinct by offering participants the opportunity to receive a carefully curated selection of Jewish-themed books every other month – opening doors to new authors, new stories, and new ways of engaging with Jewish life.

The Great Jewish Bookshelf, an initiative of United Jewish Federation of Tidewater, brings Jewish literature directly into homes. Each cycle includes a diverse range of titles: fiction and non-fiction, contemporary voices and historical narratives, works rooted in Jewish thought, culture, ethics, and lived experience. Some books speak openly about Judaism; others carry subtle Jewish threads woven into universal stories. There is something for every taste and reader.

The program’s annual cost is $65 for those who pick up their books at the Simon Family JCC, or $85 for home delivery anywhere in the United States. Books are distributed on a schedule, making reading feel less like a task and more like a rhythm—something to look forward to.

The 2026 cycle offers a wide-ranging selection. Titles include People Love Dead Jews by Dara Horn, This Is Real and You Are Completely Unprepared by Rabbi Alan Lew, The Boston Girl by Anita Diamant, Yiddish for Pirates by Gary Barwin, Thistlefoot by GennaRose Nethercott, and The Mathematician’s Shiva by Stuart Rojstaczer, among many others. The list moves between humor and grief, memory and imagination, spirituality and history—mirroring the complexity of Jewish experience itself.

At its core, this project reflects who Jews are – Am HaSefer—the People of the Book. Reading has always been central to Jewish continuity, education, culture, and tradition. The Great Jewish Bookshelf embodies these values while also grounding them in community. Books become not only a personal experience, but—if one chooses—a shared one.

What further enriches the program is the option to connect with others who select the same books. Participants may join informal discussion groups where conversations range from literary reflections to personal insights and shared experiences. These gatherings are entirely optional.

Behind the scenes, the book selections are chosen with great care. Every book is selected intentionally, with attention to quality, diversity of voices, and relevance to Jewish life today.

In a time when connection can feel fragmented and hurried, the Great Jewish Bookshelf offers something both simple and profound: the chance to slow down, read deeply, and engage with Jewish ideas—on one’s own terms. Sometimes, all it takes to strengthen a community is a good book.

To learn more or participate in the 2026 edition, go to JewishVA.org/GJB. The next chapter is waiting—and there’s always room for another reader.

Faith is not a supporting character

Pati Menda Oliszewski — Thu, 11 Dec 2025 18:05:14 +0000

When I wrote my first piece about Nobody Wants This in Jewish News (December 2024), I analyzed its first season through the lens of the Argentine film Transmitzvah. In that essay, I highlighted how the film treated Judaism with humanity — characters who make mistakes, learn, and make difficult choices, yet are guided by belonging, community, and continuity. Nothing was reduced to a punchline. Judaism served as the emotional foundation of the story, even when conflicts were painful.

Nobody Wants This, on the other hand, left me deeply unsettled. Not because it dared to critique or portray imperfect characters, but because of how it ridiculed faith — as if every Jewish practice were an obstacle to “modern” freedom.

When the second season was announced, I’ll admit I hoped for redemption. Maybe the writers had heard the criticism. Maybe the protagonist would grow. Maybe — just maybe — the portrayal of Rabbi Noah would move beyond caricature. I was wrong. The second season keeps its mocking tone and, worse, amplifies its dismissal of what is most sacred in Jewish tradition.

The series continues to push a shallow romantic premise: a “free,” emotionally adrift woman without solid values suffers because she isn’t fully loved by a man who embodies everything she rejects — responsibility, purpose, limits, faith. The protagonist, Joanne, seems unable to see beyond her own longing.

There’s a telling moment in the season. Noah has dinner with his family every Friday night to celebrate Shabbat — something natural, grounding, and essential. Joanne confronts him: “Isn’t that a lot of pressure? Having this commitment every week?”

Pressure? Having your family gathered once a week around a table, with candles, blessings, bread, conversation, and belonging? I would give anything to have my family with me, week after week, around a Shabbat table. What the show portrays as oppression is, for many of us, a virtue — a safe harbor, a root.

This contrast brings to mind Keeping the Faith (2000), directed by Edward Norton and starring Ben Stiller, Edward Norton, and Jenna Elfman. Not because both stories feature rabbis, but because they take opposite approaches to representing Judaism.

Though Keeping the Faith is a lighthearted Hollywood romantic comedy, it understands something Nobody Wants This does not: respect. In the film, Rabbi Jake (Stiller) and Father Brian (Norton) fall in love with their childhood friend Anna (Elfman). The script never mocks their spiritual commitments. The dilemmas are real — faith versus desire, tradition versus modernity — but the humor never comes at the expense of religious dignity.

The audience can laugh and still see that these men carry something greater than personal preferences — they carry vocation. Rabbi Jake’s struggles with faith, love, and community are portrayed with warmth and depth. Spirituality isn’t a prop; it’s part of who he is. The film’s humor arises from human vulnerability, not from belittling religion.

In Nobody Wants This, however, the rabbi is portrayed as confused and infantilized, torn between his “real life” and the woman who awakens his libido. Everything about him is treated with suspicion — but never in an honest or philosophical way. His doubts aren’t moral; they’re comedic. Faith isn’t a pillar; it’s an obstacle. Tradition isn’t structure; it’s a punchline.

Meanwhile, Joanne becomes the “heroine” — misunderstood, victimized by a system that supposedly won’t let her “be herself.” Many viewers side with her by default. That’s the emotional language of our time: “poor thing, she just wants love.”

The rabbi, in contrast, is labeled rigid, radical, or inflexible. Why? Because he chooses to maintain spiritual integrity. Because he believes in practice and boundaries. Because he understands that values are not accessories.

Maybe I’m biased. Maybe I’m exaggerating. Maybe I’m proudly exaggerating. But I’ll say it: I’m team Noah.

I once gave an interview alongside other rabbis’ wives. When asked about family life, some women said their husbands “worked as rabbis.” I responded, “My husband doesn’t work as a rabbi. He lives as a rabbi.”

That simple distinction changes everything.

Being a rabbi isn’t a costume you wear by day and remove at night. It’s not a job; it’s a way of life — a covenant with tradition, a responsibility to the community, and a commitment to one’s soul. Some choices don’t fit in the “whatever works” category. Some dilemmas can’t be reconciled — not because of a lack of openness, but because certain commitments shape every step we take.

Faith is not a supporting character. It is not the antagonist of love. It is not the villain of Jewish daily life.

When contemporary narratives fail to understand that, they don’t just offend us — they diminish the human and spiritual experience of millions.

I don’t know if another season will come — and honestly, I no longer expect redemption. But I still believe entertainment can portray Jewish life with nuance, depth, and humanity. Nobody Wants This simply chose not to.

Pati Menda Oliszewski and her husband, Rabbi Ari Oliszewski, live with their family in Virginia Beach. They moved to the area in 2023.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of “Jewish News”.

Nobody Wants This vs Transmitzvah: Love, values, and identity in two contrasting works

Pati Menda Oliszewski — Thu, 12 Dec 2024 19:52:21 +0000

Love may be a universal theme, but the way it is portrayed can vary profoundly from one work to another. This is evident in the series Nobody Wants This and the film Transmitzvah. Both productions, available on Netflix, revolve around dilemmas involving Judaism, sibling dynamics, and the complex relationships between love, identity, and values. However, while one seems to disdain our traditions, the other honors them with respect and depth.

Nobody Wants This: Love that rejects values

Nobody Wants This tells the story of a rabbi who, while trying to balance his religious role with his personal life, finds himself in love with a non-Jewish woman.

The storyline, filled with witty dialogue and sarcastic humor, carries an unmistakable message: it’s better to abandon faith and traditions for the sake of a shallow love, devoid of roots and respect for one’s origins. While the premise is intriguing, its execution feels caricatured, even disrespectful, ignoring the depth of the dilemmas that such choices truly entail. The series offers a simplistic and disposable view of Jewish beliefs, treating them as outdated accessories. The rabbi’s emotional and ethical struggles are portrayed superficially, while the notion that “love conquers all” serves as justification for forsaking values and traditions—something that impacts not just individuals, but an entire community and cultural heritage.

Transmitzvah: Reconciliation and rediscovery

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we have Transmitzvah, an emotional film that tells the story of a trans woman who, as an adult, decides to reconnect with her family and Jewish heritage by celebrating her Bat Mitzvah. As a child, she had rejected the opportunity to have a Bar Mitzvah when she was still a boy. Now, she sees this ritual as a chance for reconciliation and acceptance.

The narrative follows her journey of self-discovery and reconnection, supported every step of the way by her brother. The film delves into complex issues of identity, belonging, and faith, demonstrating that traditions can be adapted and recontextualized without losing their essence.

Here, Judaism is not seen as a hindrance but as a solid foundation upon which family relationships and self-acceptance can be built. The story celebrates the beauty of love that embraces, respects differences, and reinforces the importance of values that transcend generations.

Two loves, two messages

Although both works center on love, Nobody Wants This and Transmitzvah present radically opposing views on the role of Judaism in their characters’ lives. While the series portrays love as something that supersedes values and traditions, the film depicts it as a force that strengthens them.

Personally, I can’t help but ask: which love is genuine? Can love that disregards our roots and beliefs truly be real? Or is true love the kind that accepts us wholly, including our convictions and the legacy we carry?

Between the fleeting laughter of Nobody Wants This and the heartfelt tears of Transmitzvah, I choose the latter. Transmitzvah reminds us that love and values don’t have to conflict; they can coexist, creating a richer, more inclusive, and more meaningful legacy. After all, true love doesn’t demand that we abandon who we are—it inspires us to be even more faithful to ourselves.

Pati Menda Oliszewski and her husband, Rabbi Ari Oliszewski, live with their family in Virginia Beach. They moved to the area in 2023.

The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of Jewish News.